Disclaimer: I’m writing this through the lens of a stay-at-home mom with two partners. A bit of a unique perspective, though I know that all moms will be able to relate in one way or another. I know nothing of what working moms or single moms go through, and I don’t want to purport to. I also don’t want this post to turn into some sort of “who has it harder?” type thing. On that note, I should also put out there that I do not know what it is like to be a dad or the breadwinner of the family, which I know comes with its own stresses. This article is for whoever can relate to it, and if you do not relate, hopefully there are blogs out there geared towards your unique struggles.

A Day in the Life of a (Frustrated) Mom

Do any other moms ever feel like they cannot get away from their kids? The moment you sit down for a cup of coffee, or even think of sitting down, a child pops out of thin air needing their butt wiped or another chocolate milk sippy or OMG they’re soooooooo hungry even though they just ate 2 granola bars and a pack of fruit snacks.

We all love our kids; I mean, obviously. But sometimes you just need a couple of hours to actually be able to think without a “mom!” being shouted into the abyss of your mind. Without turning around in the kitchen to grab a spatula and immediately tripping over your 3-year-old, who is inexplicably standing silently right behind your back end.

Does anyone completely lose their train of thought as soon as a child appears asking for a snack? Because I do. Hello, ADHD. And hello, frustration.

For a very limited amount of time when I had found a sweet spot with my ADHD meds, I actually was able to put my child’s need on hold (as long as it wasn’t an emergency) and finish my tasks before helping them. But any time outside those brief 2-3 weeks of bliss (which actually came with its own side effects, hence the discontinuation), my brain pretty much shuts down if I’m trying to do something and more than one person attempts to talk to me (which, to be honest, the majority of my life nowadays is at least 2 people trying to talk at me while the dog whines, another kid is making goose noises, the TV is on, and the bunny is scrambling around its cage).

The hardest part of all these constant interruptions is that this can be an almost 24/7 reality for some moms.

Though I have the privilege of two partners and a good amount of family and friends that I can rely on in a pinch, I still get overwhelmed almost every day, and I have ever since becoming a mother.

I guarantee that a good portion of that overwhelm has to do with the untreated ADHD I was living with up until 6 months ago, and that my psychiatrist and I are still trying to treat. The rest of that frustration and overwhelm comes down to dealing with sensory overload and needing to learn to communicate my needs effectively with my partners.

If this sounds all too familiar, read on to find some concrete examples on how to cut down your frustration levels.

The Solution(s)

How you go about addressing your frustration and overwhelm really comes down to what is causing it for you. Below are some ideas of things that could be contributing factors and how to deal with them:

Treating Your Mental Health

Everyone has a different level of frustration tolerance, and that tolerance can change throughout the day and from situation to situation.

If you struggle with your mental health, are neurodivergent, and/or haven’t been sleeping well or feeling well, your frustration tolerance is probably already much lower than a well-rested, healthy, neurotypical person.

If you are finding yourself to be overwhelmed and frustrated in your role as a parent more days than not, you need to explore what is going on for you and how you can fix it (if possible).

1. Get enough sleep
   
   • How frustrated or overwhelmed you get on a certain day can often be tied to how well you slept and for how long
   • If you are one of those many moms who stays up way too late every night just for that small bit of peace that you are missing out on during the day, contemplate whether you could try to get to bed even 30 minutes earlier each night
     • (And if you take the advice at the end of this article and ask for a scheduled break to be put on the calendar every day or every week, you may not need those late-night hours to catch up on your me-time.)
       
2. Talk to a therapist
   
   • If you don’t already have one, get a therapist that you trust and look forward to talking to. Not only can you rant about what’s upsetting you, but you also can brainstorm ways to make your days less overwhelming and frustrating
     • Boundary setting: putting into place and maintaining proper boundaries with your kids can help lessen the frustration and overwhelm of your day — however, if this doesn’t come naturally to you, talking to a therapist about ways you can do that and what proper boundaries even are can be helpful
     • Effective communication: I mean this more in the vain of talking with your partner, which I explore more in the next section, but these are also things you can brainstorm with a therapist
       
3. Treat sensory overload
   
   • If part of the overwhelm you are feeling every day has to do with overlapping sounds or visual clutter, you can try to address those either immediately by buying a product suited to that need or over time by planning how to fix those issues
     
     • Too many noises
       
       • You can cut down on the noises that you can control
         • For example, I had a friend who would take all the batteries out of noisy toys or just not replace the batteries once they died
         • She also had a rule with her children that if they felt the need to scream or shout loudly, they could open the glass sliding door and shout into the yard
       • You can wear headphones to filter or block out some sound
         • I’ve tried Loop ear plugs, Calmer ear plugs, just those normal foam ear plugs, and even the big bulky headphones; though I have yet to stick to anything consistently
           
     • Too much clutter
       
       • If you are a visual person and a person with ADHD, chances are that your dining room table, top of your dresser, and any other flat surface becomes a landing spot for *stuff*, and it probably bothers you (either consciously or unconsciously)
         • If possible, try to clear off whichever space you encounter the most and see if that helps with any of your daily overwhelm
         • I’m not advocating for cleaning your whole house and going minimalist, but if you are able to clear off the end tables in the living room where you spend the majority of your day, it might reduce a portion of your daily mental overwhelm
         • For me, my dining room table becomes the piling spot for everything because it is right inside the front door. It is also the space that I pass by and see the most. So, I just realized a few days ago, that even though the majority of my house is pretty dirty and messy right now (because I have been under immense stress), if I just focused on decluttering my dining room table, I would feel a whole heck of a lot better — and I was right!
           
4. Ask your psychiatrist or medical doctor about treatment options
   
   • Do you have a diagnosis or are you seeking a diagnosis?
   • Are you currently taking medication?
   • Do you need to switch medications?
   • Do you want to find out if there are options other than medication that could help you?
     • Find a trusted medical professional to help walk you through these things
     • Figuring out which medications, therapies, and/or other treatments might help you is a long-term goal — it can take a lot of time to figure out exactly what works for you, but it definitely is worth the time and effort if you are struggling without it

Talking to Your Partner

If part of your overwhelm and frustration stems from needing more time to yourself to either complete tasks without interruption or to actually do something enjoyable, chances are you will need to talk to your partner (or a close family member/friend) who can help care for your child/children while you do your thang.

As a stay-at-home mom to non-school-age kids, the interruptions happen all day long.

I think that may be where some of the disconnect comes in when trying to talk about this subject with my partners — they do not understand the reality of nonstop interruptions.

It might seem silly or over-the-top for me to get so frustrated and want to completely give up my task if I get interrupted 2-3 times in 5 minutes. However, what my partners (who both work full-time jobs) may not understand is that I deal with those constant interruptions all day long while they are at work.

Every day from 6:30am until 8:30pm, there is no off-switch, there is no 1-hour break or even 15-minute break of quiet.

So, on the weekends or in the evenings, if I am asking for 30 minutes or 1-2 hours to work on a task (any task!) without the interruptions, it doesn’t seem like that crazy of a request for me.

Maybe it doesn’t seem like that crazy of a request to you either. Maybe you have one of those magical husbands who has cracked the code. But for those who also struggle with getting even 10 minutes alone and a partner who doesn’t seem to understand why you are so adamant about it — here are some talking points:

1. Reframe the situation
   
   • “Husband/Partner, imagine you were at work. You are trying to type up an email to a client or a co-worker, and your boss pops in to say hi. You say hi, and easily get back to work. 30 seconds later, your boss pops back in to ask if you know where the extra coffee is kept. You say no, and try to get back to your email, but it is a bit harder this time to remember what you had been writing. 1 minute after that, your boss pops in again to ask where the sugar is for the coffee.”
     • How are you feeling at this point? Because as a mom, I am already feeling frustrated and stressed by my own made-up scenario because it is all too real to me
   • If this isn’t stressing your partner out, tell them to imagine this going on throughout their whole office day
     • Various questions that get their brain off-topic, random interruptions, instances where they have to leave their work area completely to take care of an auxiliary task or emergency
   • Now, maybe their work life already operates like that —- but might you ask, “do you get any 15-minute breaks or even a lunch break?”
     • Because stay-at-home parents unfortunately have not unionized and are not afforded the luxuries of breaks
       
2. Remind your partner that the kids act differently for both of you
   
   • It may not be universal that kids are always “worse” for mom than dad, but there’s definitely a difference of behavior in how kids act for the parent they see more often versus the parent they see and interact with less
     • Kids tend to lash out or express their strongest feelings with the parent they feel most comfortable with. If you are a stay-at-home mom, you probably get the brunt of that behavior
   • I could be wrong, but it generally seems as if my partner thinks that if I just parented like him, my life would be easier
     • Unfortunately, this is just not the case, as I’ve seen time and time again
     • I can say the exact same thing in the same tone with the same body language, and my kids will react completely differently
       
3. Create a scheduled time for yourself — and stick to it
   
   • This can be one of the hardest parts – you have to advocate for yourself and your needs AND not give up on them just because something isn’t going quite the way you would do it
     • I have practiced this on different levels over time
       • It started when my babies were little, and I just needed a little break once my partner got home from work so I could read a book and play a game on my phone (or take a nap)
         • It was really hard not to just leave my “relaxing” room to save the day if I heard anyone having a hard time. My therapist had to talk me through it, reminding me that my other partners were just as capable of taking care of my children. And if they didn’t do it exactly like I would, that doesn’t mean that they were doing it wrong
       • Just recently, I’ve graduated up to 3 “work” times a week, each 3–5-hour sessions, generally to work on this blog
         • To be honest, this schedule has not stood the test of time yet. I went strong for about 2 weeks, but unfortunately, life happened. There was a 5-day period where both of my partners were working long hours, and I had to give up on my “work nights,” as I call them. And I honestly haven’t recovered my schedule even after 3 weeks
           • However, I have had to remind myself that just because I missed quite a few “work nights” in a row, it doesn’t mean I should completely give up on my whole blog or my need for this time
           • I just needed to make new goals that work in this stage of life — maybe I can only publish one blog a month, even though my original goal was one blog a week — and that is okay

How Will You Decrease Your Frustration?

If you’ve read this far, I assume that this article echoed some of what is happening in your life.

How do you plan to start to decrease your frustration and overwhelm in your everyday life?

Comment below or share the article on social media with your answer in the post. Share this article with any other people you think may be struggling with these feelings. If you have any other solutions to suggest, please share them below.